To have a child or adopt?


JGD Ekta di, I have a question from YV. (Page 12 para 3) Lord Rama says-“Though the child may appear to be innocent, the truth is that all sorts….happy period” My question is what is the point of having kids? When childhood is like “..comparable truly to that of an animal living at the mercy of others..”, I feel that isn’t it we are hurting the other person (soul) to go through that agony and creating karma for us? Also, the river of Niyati is flowing all the time, all events are happening, we have no control on it and we are like a leaf floating in it, then do we not have a choice to not come together with another person to make kids? Since the act happens when we flow in the emotions, feelings and/or (hormones) and impressions from so many lifetimes but this act results in a kid (and sometimes this kid (soul) may just want to come to this world through this couple..etc). So I mean that, having kids is only from the space of mind, feelings, emotions, etc.? If we are walking towards liberation why create this karma even? Why not adopt some kid?

I have thought about it for so long and could not resist asking you, for I could not stop myself from feeling the same agony as described in YV.


That’s a beautiful realization dear! Very few people are able to let go off the desire to have their own child because of attachment, or because of the so called social structure or social pressure or false notions, etc. If it is your inner calling to adopt instead, then so be it…….you have a magnanimous heart.

To have a child or not, is freewill.

Niyati brings to us our Karmaphalam [fruit of action] because of Karmas [actions] from the past. These are called Sanchita karmas. Sanchitas are divided into:

1] Destiny

Some Sanchitas cannot be changed like your own parents or your place of birth or whether you were born in a palace or a hut. That is called Destiny because it cannot be changed by your own freewill. Similarly, your mode of Death & Longevity are destined already.

2] Freewill

But there are many other Sanchitas that are not written in stone and thereby become a part of freewill.

  • It is your freewill if you want to indulge in coming together with another individual in physical intimacy or not.
  • It is your freewill whether you want to get married or not.
  • It is your freewill if you want to have a child or not.

These 3 above are not Sanchitas written in stone that cannot be changed. This is stated by Gurudev in the Karma & Reincarnation talk.

Does that mean that you did not have that Karma or Karmaphalam in the first place?

No dear, what this means is that the desire for physical intimacy, if part of your Karmaphalam, will come up in you, but you still have the freewill to choose another direction.

Similarly, if there is a Karmaphalam of a woman/man coming in your direction with the desire for marriage, you are not bound by destiny, you can choose to remain a bachelor or spinster.

And, if there is a Karmaphalam of a child coming in your direction, you might experience pressure from society, family, spouse but it is your freewill to choose differently.

Charetveti – Keep moving!

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