Dealing with ‘harsh’ behavior

Question:

If someone is behaving harsh and not accepting it rather want me to be kind and show humility and accept them and they will continue to be the same. How to handle them in this situation?

Answer:

There are 2 techniques to learn and apply here:

1] Internal Technique for the peace of your own mind:

Step A – Recognize & acknowledge the Truth

First of all, think why are you finding it harsh. It is because you are expecting niceness. So basically there is Dukha because of your expectation of ‘niceness’. If you don’t have an expectation of ‘niceness’, then harsh behavior will not be able to give you Dukha. The root cause of the problem is not the other person; it is your own minds expectation.

Step B – Let go

Once you recognize this truth, you will have to now work on letting go of your expectations. E.g. A crazy man walking on the street can shout & haul insults at you, but it won’t hurt you. When it comes your friend, the same insult takes your sleep away.

Who is at fault here? It is your own minds weakness towards the friend. That weakness could be attachment, expectation of love, desire that he/she behaves in a certain manner only…. it is all your own expectation.

When one starts recognizing that the problem is not outside, it is in my own mind, then one can work towards making himself/herself stronger. Why? Because today, one person has hurt you, tomorrow someone else will. You cannot control the entire world dear. You must make your fortress of mind so strong, that no one in the world should have the right to take your smile away. It is very simple. You have given the reins of your life in someone else’s hands, just take them back.

2] External technique to help the other person

Step A – Be compassionate to him/her. 

A person gives what he/she has. If he has a happy heart, he will spread happiness. If he has a sad heart, he will spread negativity. It’s obvious, we can only give what we have, right?

Step B – Use the tool ‘relationship skill’ for responding in a given situation. 

If a person continues to be harsh, the strong mind anyways does not get affected by it. But in a smiling and loving manner one must convey to the person that our anger hurts our own health. A biochemical hormone gets released in the body when one is angry, it is called testosterone. It only causes harm to one-self. So it is best to handle situations with a smile rather than burn your own system. E.g. Someone was explaining this to her young daughter in front of the family member who she wanted to convey the message too.

Warnings –

  1. Never stoop down to the level of the other person and lose your own self-respect. Always choose the HIGH way dear.
  2. Applying these skills, one might fail the first few times, but don’t give up…. you will definitely win over your own mind and win the hearts of people too!

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