During the daytime a thought came to me, to say something nasty to my colleague in office. But I stopped myself and I let go of that dvesha [aversion] and I also forgot about it. By the time it was evening and I came home, I felt very strong. I felt very good that I did not react. But strangely, when I slept in the night, in my dream, I reacted and I screamed and I shouted at the person, and I actually woke up in my dream, and I felt very bad about myself. How does, whatever is unfulfilled during the day, come into our dreams? Is there a connection?
Yes. There is a connection.
If during the day, you dislike something [event/person/thing]; because of the dislike there is a reaction that happens at a sensation level in the body. For example, if you are jealous of a friend or a colleague, the sensation of fire is experienced somewhere deep in the belly. When you say something nasty, to hurt that person, you are actually reacting to that fiery sensation in the body. The dislike for that sensation makes you want to get rid of it and therefore you react. You are not reacting to the person outside really. All reactions negative or positive are not in response to the person outside, they are always a response to the pleasant or unpleasant sensation happening within. And really, the other person is not responsible for your INCAPABILITY OF HANDLING YOUR OWN JEALOUSY/HATRED/PASSION, ETC.
The journey for the Ignorant and the Wise:
When one is unaware and ignorant, he is not strong enough on the spiritual path. Such a person will keep ignoring the sensations happening at a deeper level that are actually the stimuli for his reactions and will keep blaming external people/situations/things instead.
When one starts walking the path of spirituality sincerely and earnestly, he becomes wiser. The awareness rises to a level where he soon recognizes that there are sensations in the body because of external elements and he is only reacting to his OWN sensations.
Root cause of these Sensations:
A sensation arises only when you have given undue importance to an external element [person, situation or thing]. For example, if you experience sensations of jealousy when your friend becomes a millionaire, it is because you give undue importance to money.
There is no sensation happening when a stranger becomes a millionaire but if your friend becomes a millionaire then there is a sensation. Watch yourself – the root cause of the sensation is your own incorrect priorities.
So now, let’s understand this a little deeper.
Whenever I react I create an impression in my subconscious mind. If I have one thought of “I do not like it that he got the million dollars and I did not”; I put an impression in my subconscious almost like a punch in the sand. Then again, I think, “what has he done to deserve it and why I did not get it.” It is the second punch in the sand and when I keep thinking like this again and again, I keep punching that sand. I am increasing the depth of that impression in my subconscious.
Now let’s take an example where, you are on this spiritual path and, at the first or the second punch you realize what you are doing and you stop punching. You let go of that reaction in the mind. You do not react outside and you feel very strong. But you did punch once or twice, remember? Where is that punch sitting? That punch in the sand is actually that impression in your subconscious mind. Even if it is very subtle it is still there and that is what happened in your case. The impression was subtle because the thought came probably once or twice, and then you did not give importance to that. As for the first two times you did entertain it, it did create that impression.
Now when you go to sleep, you touch your subconscious mind. How? This is the mechanism of sleep where your awareness withdraws from the conscious to the subconscious mind. Automatically from the subconscious mind, the impression becomes alive and you see it in your dream because it was the time for that very impression to sprout. Your karma has sprouted. Got it?
There is no great interpretation of dreams but it is just that you somehow let it out. Now there is no need to feel guilty or bad about yourself. What is done is done. It is all in the past. Do not create another dvesha [aversion] by hating yourself for even reacting in your dreams. Become stronger. Now do not react to the reaction.
Keep walking this path. It is long. It is tedious. It may seem arduous at times. But it is totally worth it. Drop all reactions. Be equanimous and walk. I am with you.