I attended a family reunion last week, first time in a long time being in such a large gathering for an extended period. I noticed that even though I could let go of judging externally, i.e. expressing my judgements, I still found myself judging internally. The lifestyle I observed was very different from mine, which is what the judgement arose from. Where am I getting stuck and how do I work through this and arrive at real acceptance?
Principle for fluidity:
One must drop judging others and accept everyone as they are.
How to arrive at real acceptance?
Understanding the mechanism of how judgements arise will help you arrive at recognizing the futility of judgements and thenceforth dropping judgements and accepting all.
What are judgements?
Step 1] If you like/dislike something, you create a strong impression because of the attachment to that ‘Like/Dislike’.
Step 2] Conditioning develops from you feeding the mind with that particular impression again and again.
Step 3] When this impression is solidified, it gives rise to judgement.
For e.g. A past event made you dislike person A. Now you create a judgement that person A is of a certain nature. Then you label person A and you are not ready to ever change your opinion of him even if he changes his ways later on in life.
An unwise person bases the decisions of his life only on judgement. A wise person bases the decisions of his life on Viveka.
What is Viveka?
Viveka [intellectual power to discriminate] was provided to a human over an animal. Viveka helps to distinguish between good & bad, poison & food, right & wrong, etc. It is a logical tool. Remember, Viveka has nothing to do with your raagas [likes] / dveshas [dislikes]. Viveka is seeing people/situations/things as they are! Judgements means seeing people/situations/things through the colored glasses of raagas [likes] & dveshas [dislikes].
When one uses Viveka over judgements, he sees things AS THEY ARE, NOT AS HE/SHE WOULD LIKE IT TO BE, then he is following his Dharma! This is real acceptance!
But if others are not in accordance with what your Dharma, then what to do?
Do your Dharma:
Dharma is not religion. Dharma means doing that which my viveka tells me is the appropriate action.
Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason.” This is the meaning of following your Dharma. Observe the Truth yourself, and then follow it come what may, even if others do not walk by you. DEVELOP THE SKILL OF TAKING OTHERS ALONG WITH YOU. RESPECT THE DIFFERENCES, THIS IS TRUE ACCEPTANCE!
Respect everyone but do your Dharma!