Dear Ekta,I have a question. You told us on google hangout to give the divine the highest priority. For a few years I have been doing do my home kriya very day. Weekly I do the long kriya (if there is a teacher available in my little country). I never skip a long kriya unless I am abroad. When I am abroad I try to arrange if I can go to a long kriya there if possible.
Every day I spend time on studying the knowledge. Also trying to implement this. I never skip a knowledge session unless I am in a plane and I really cannot participate at that moment. I love doing kriya and spend time on knowledge.
But….Somehow I have the tendency to skip the meditation or to keep it very short. I now force myself to meditate very day. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes not so well. Very often I am getting very warm and/or cannot sit up and keep on bending over and want to sleep etc.
Do you know why I have this resistance with meditating? And not with kriya and knowledge?
Mind thinks ‘I am the doer’. The doer wants to ‘do’ all the time. Doership is the mind’s way of feeling important. This feeling of importance gives a false identity to the mind. That identity is called ‘Ego’.
This is a vicious cycle -> doing->feeling important-> developing a false identity->again doing-> feeling important -> developing a false identity -> doing ->feeling important -> developing a false identity……. This cycle continues ceaselessly in an ignorant one. He is caught up in the Maaya of ‘doership’. No need to blame yourself, it is the tendency of the mind.
Because Kriya and knowledge is an activity for the mind where it is ‘doing something’, you do not experience resistance. Got it?
So what happens in meditation? Meditation is ‘not doing’, it is ‘just being’. And the mind resists just ‘being’. Meditation is being not doing. It is the end of the mind. The mind does not want to die thus you experience the resistance.
So now that you understand the mechanics, what should be your next steps?
Just BE! Just take a step back from this monkey mind and watch its monkey dance. It will resist, it will create drama, it will give you all kinds of excuses. Do not shake hands with the mind. Just observe it like a witness. Not like a spectator, because a spectator gets involved. Do not get involved. Just be a witness… just watch…. just BE!