What will people say?

Questions:

Hello Ekta didi, small negative events make me sad. It’s like the earth element is constantly dominating me. I worry and fear about things in my life. I don’t know how to rise above it. My problem is I think a lot what other people must be thinking about me. I create imaginary problems and try to solve them. This might reflect in my life then. Like positive events begin to happen but they are never fruitful, is this because of my negative thinking? This creates more emotional imbalance. It has started to affect my health also somewhere. I question myself why only problems in my life and why can’t I be strong to face them?

Answer:

Problems come and go in everybody’s life. You sent this email 3 days ago. Take your mind back to how you were feeling 3 days ago…..are you feeling the same right now? Feelings change. They never remain the same. They are not permanent. Your focusing on them is really just adding the fuel to the fire and making them last longer. Therefore, I would suggest that again and again, let go!

There are several techniques you can use to let go:

  • Zabardast purushartha [incessant self-effort] – A constant reminder is required for the mind to train it in any area in life. Take a simple example of training a child to brush his teeth every morning. It takes incessant trials from the mom to keep running behind the kid and get him into the habit of brushing his teeth every morning without fail. Just like that, you have to make an effort at ‘letting go’ of the negative thoughts that arise in your mind on account of your own fear of ‘what people will say’. It will not happen with a single ‘let go’. You will have to do it again and again. This is called incessant effort!
  • Stop trying to control other people’s mind – You are trying to control other people’s mind, can you control your own mind? This is so silly. Recognize this silliness of the mind and drop it. Every moment, in your own head there are 100’s of thoughts that arise. You cannot control your own thoughts, how can you want to control other people’s thoughts? Drop this controlling tendency! Let go!
  • Stop being a football – One person says something and you get kicked in that direction. Another person says something and you get kicked in another direction. Stop becoming a football of other people’s opinions. Sometimes people don’t even say something, but you are thrown in a direction by an imaginary kick. Wake up and realize what you are doing to yourself!
  • Realize that people talk anyways – Not everyone has learnt the skill to ‘drop unnecessary thoughts and let go’. This skill is only for the few special ones 🙂 You decide if you want to be special or not?
  • Be committed to being happy come what may – Promise yourself, I will not let anybody’s thoughts steal my moments of peace! So every time a thought bothers you, just take a deep breath and imagine it going out through the ‘Out breath’. Again and again, repeat this. Give your own ‘happiness’ priority over other people’s opinions, this is a sign of the wise one!

If you continuously practice these techniques, one day the mind will get tired of bringing those negative thoughts your way and you will feel like a new YOU! But don’t stop until then!

If you have questions, please feel free to send it by clicking on the “Ask a Question” button on the left sidebar.

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